Through the tree of Eleh

It is how it is and it is not how it is not.

The (un)certainties we all have to live with.

Things that are can go. Things that are not can come.

Don’t hope for things that might come nor weep for things that may go.

An end is always bitter. A circle is always round.

Lifetime = time we spend on (the) living

Almost every friday evening I go to a certain bar just to see some of my closest friends. I do this because if I wouldn’t I wouldn’t see them at all. Well … not not at all … but the closest thing to it.

Life gets in our way you know. Not life per se but the choices most of us believe they have to make during the course of their life. Since most of us live in the monetary system we need money to survive. Which means that we need a job to earn a living.

Time is against us.

Time is time (cfr. Tech 7: Patience is a virtue, 8 octobre 2012). There’s nothing we can do about that … only what we decide to do during that time … and there are so many thing we “have” to do that are time consuming. It is quite the challenge to have and keep a job, sleep more or less eight hours a day, make some time for ourself AND maintain a fulfilling social life on the side.

No wonder most of us live life with several eye patches on …

They don’t have the time to remove ’em.

Disapointment all around

People disappoint. It’s a giving. It’s a fact. There’s nothing you can do about it. Well … not nothing … the only thing you can do is lower your standards. If you have no expectations than there is no point people have to meet. There’s no scale in which people can do good to you.

On the brighter side … every good thing people do will surprise you … if only in a sarcastic way … like ‘ wow, you did that … good for you ‘.

Now I gave a solution to the primary problem … but I don’t want to live like that. I want to believe in my fellow kin. I have high expectations for us. We as human beings have such grand potential.

It saddens me e-ve-ry-time when I get the acknowledgement that humans = sh*t. And that … ladies and gents … is the core of my primary problem.

I get sad because we equal sh*t.

All the techniques gathered in one post

Tech 0 : Have … or at least try to have … an open mind

It’s not because it doesn’t feel right that it’s not true. There’s a world of difference between true meaning and what you make of it (cfr. tech 8).

Tech 1: shrouding sensitive intell

Let me start by teaching you a few thingies about the human memory.

First of all we need to make the distinction between the short term and the long term memory.

The long term memory resembles an endless library. Everything that drips through stays there. That doesn’t necessarily mean that every bit of stored information gets consulted one time or another.

The short term memory is a totally different story all together. You have to divide this into a working memory and a subconscious memory. The working memory has more or less one minute to process received information. Everything that isn’t digested within that time frame gets discarded. The brains make, in a matter of micro seconds, a seperation between usefull, potentially usefull and worthless information. In most cases valuable things get absorbed, potentially valuable things get thrown in the subconscious memory and the useless intell gets discarded for good.

Now comes the really important part.

The working memory likes to remember the first and the last mentioned words. Which means that if you for instance need to give an answer with a quite personal part in it than you start by giving a harmless introduction, you quickly rush through the sensitive part and finaly you finish with an innocent closer … and make that one last longer than a minute.

Believe it or not … but there’s also an easier fix. People in general are not that interested in what you have to say. Chances are that if you are being asked how you are doing/feeling people will be already satisfied with just one small relevant answer. ‘Cause … really …  how many in-depth questions do people actualy ask ?

Tech 2: how to build a desireable social ID

It all begins with how you want to be perceived by others.

After a while you know what kind of reactions you like to receive. Since human interaction is always situated in an ABABAB… structure you can direct at least half of this schedule. If your actions are A and the reactions of whomever you are behaving to is B than you can easily determine the direction in which your social outcomes go.

Once you get the hang of it you can differentiate all the possible situations … or for starters the ones in which you land on a regular basis … in order to build different social behavioural patterns that are to your liking. These ID’s won’t change who you are. Your core is an unchangeable thing. But how you choose to walk through this life will improve substantially.

Tech 3: Take a look in the mirror

You might not like what you see … but that will be your cue to change some thingies here and there.

Be honest with yourself. I don’t care if you’re a pathological liar … draw the line when you’re talking to the inner you.

What you do is this: Find the biggest mirror in the house … preferably one in which you can see your entire body … and point your index finger forward.

If you start feeling worthless and do nothing but blaming yourself … than you’re looking too much. If you feel the most valuable asset of the world and you blame everything and everyone else … than you’re looking too little.

Like with everything in life … find a healthy balance.

Tech 4: self control

Know this: behaviour is a choice. Ok … your emotions, historical/cultural background and your level of sensitivity to normative rules have a lot to say about your general actions … but still … you choose which words come out of your mouth, you choose which movements you use to express yourself, you choose your facial expressions, …

Once you realize this you can ask people you trust how they perceive you during … and ask them about … different kinds of situational (re)actions … explosive moments, peaceful moments, painful moments, … do you sometimes offend people, do you make grand gestures as though you’re all over the place, are you a quiet mousie or rather a theatrical person, … are you emotional or distant, are you empathic or apathetic, are you caring or do you like to be taken care of, … ?

The more questions you ask the more answers you will receive and the more puzzle pieces you can give  a nice place.

If your behaviour sets negative counter reactions in motion than please consider turning your volume down a notch.

Tech 5: Always reevaluate

Out of all the techniques this one is extremely crucial. Most people do not apply this at all … which is such a pity.

The first impression you have is the strongest of them all. Different stimuli come together in your brain. Along with earlier experiences it forms a jigsaw. Immediately after the first puzzle has been made you start gathering evidence to support your theory. Guess what … it doesn’t take you much to see (nothing but) affirmation. THIS IS one of  THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE WAYS TO PERCEIVE the social jungle known as ‘THE HUMAN SOCIETY’ … because everything that negates the premise gets overlooked.

An interesting alternative is to try to see everything … that is relevant to your perceptional frame of course. Every microscopic second life provides you with new bits of information.

See the different contexts in which they appear and use them properly … and certainly do not abuse the context in which your first impression was made… in which you put the original meaning of the message you received (cfr Tech 8) to blame/ or hold the negative feelings that accompanied the false context on/ against the transmitter of the message.

Tech 6: empathy versus sensitivity

There is an important difference between these two.

Empathy is the ability to place yourself in the shoes of someone else as well as applying it in order to understand someone else’s (re)actions. And by understanding them you will threat him/her gentler than if you wouldn’t understand.

Sensitivity is the personality trait which more or less determines the amount of feelings that you take over from someone and how intense your emotional reactions to something that happened are. If the consequential feelings are positive you will like the originator. If the consequential feelings are negative you will not like the originator.

Do you see the point I’m trying to make here ?

You can learn to show empathy … you can not change your personal level of sensitivity.

Tech 7: Patience is a virtue

Time passes on its own pace whether you experience it going fast or slow. Time doesn’t care about  how you perceive it.

Things happen during the time that Time is time. Some things during that time you can control others you can not even influence one tiny bit. Some things that you can’t control depend on the decisions that someone else makes.

Learn to cope and deal with it … and with some dignity please … if you’re able to.

Tech 8: Refining the ability to see semantical nuances

True meaning … you can not change it … you can only give it a form. Everyone gives it the form that he/she sees fit … depending on the situation in which the true meaning is being given form.

Between the transmitter and the receiver there’s a world of difference.

True meaning … interpretation’ … translation’ … world of difference … translation” … interpretation of the first translation of the original meaning (which is actually already an interpretation of the true meaning) with a world of difference between your interpretation and the first.

After all that you analyse everything that you believe you translated from the original meaning when instead your translation is another translation, one among many, which you mistook for the true meaning.

So you see … there really are worlds of differences.

Tech 9: Assumptions are dangerous

Immediately after our interpretations (cfr. Tech 8) we begin an endless series of assumptions. We can’t help it … well we can after we’ve reached milestone 8 (cfr. Tech 8).

Because of the world of difference (cfr. Tech 8) there are a lot of question marks … things that you can’t know so you assume your best guess at filling up the semantical gaps. See it as taking a shot at building a bridge from A to B. If you make a lot of false assumptions you will never reach B. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it the point to reach B … or at least being able to reach out for B … to touch B?

Oh … and if you’re not walking on the bridge you’re walking the void.

Again … correct me if I’m wrong … but … almost no one likes to walk the void.

Tech 10: Estimate what people like to hear/see/feel according to the active sociological roles

What are you = human … who are you = yourself .. how are you = how you choose to be(have)

Just to provide you a synthesis technique … We learned by now that we interpret everything we hear/see and together with the consequential assumptions we feel accordingly to what we believe is true. Together with this comes the fact that we as human beings are in constant interaction with each other. Since behaviour is a choice and B follows A you can direct your (re)actions and to some extent the (re)actions of someone else. Knowing how you like to behave and how others behave to you you can use the ABABAB… structure to your advantage … so that the reactions to your actions are favorable.

Now comes the new part.

According to most sociological theorems we all play multiple roles … all with a different set of behavioural patters. You have the role of a father/mother, a son/daughter, a student/teacher, a collegue/boss, … but these are just basic roles. In fact for every situation you can have a different (most) appropriate set.

If you apply all the techniques I tried to clear out for you you will slide through the social jungle we all know as our messed up society.

Tech 10: Estimate what people like to hear/see/feel according to the active sociological roles

What are you = human … who are you = yourself .. how are you = how you choose to be(have)

Just to provide you a synthesis technique … We learned by now that we interpret everything we hear/see and together with the consequential assumptions we feel accordingly what we believe is true. Together with this comes the fact that we as human beings are in constant interaction with each other. Since behaviour is a choice and B follows A you can direct your (re)actions and to some extent the (re)actions of someone else. Knowing how you like to behave and how others behave to you you can use the ABABAB… structure to your advantage … so that the reactions to your actions are favorable.

Now comes the new part.

According to most sociological theorems we all play multiple roles … all with a different set of behavioural patters. You have the role of a father/mother, a son/daughter, a student/teacher, a collegue/boss, … but these are just basic roles. In fact for every situation you can have a different (most) appropriate set.

If you apply all the techniques I tried to clear out for you you will slide through the social jungle we all know as our messed up society.

Tech 9: Assumptions are dangerous

Immediately after our interpretations (cfr. Tech 8) we begin an endless series of assumptions. We can’t help it … well we can after we’ve reached milestone 8 (cfr. Tech 8).

Because of the world of difference (cfr. Tech 8) there are a lot of question marks … things that you can’t know so you assume your best guess at filling up the semantical gaps. See it as taking a shot at building a bridge from A to B. If you make a lot of false assumptions you will never reach B. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it the point to reach B … or at least being able to reach out for B … to touch B?

Oh … and if you’re not walking on the bridge you’re walking the void.

Again … correct me if I’m wrong … but … almost no one likes to walk the void.

Tech 8: Refining the ability to see semantical nuances

True meaning … you can not change it … you can only give it a form. Everyone gives it the form that he/she sees fit … depending on the situation in which the true meaning is being given form.

Between the transmitter and the receiver there’s a world of difference.

True meaning … interpretation’ … translation’ … world of difference … translation” … interpretation of the first translation of the original meaning (which is actually already an interpretation of the true meaning) with a world of difference between your interpretation and the first.

After all that you analyse everything that you believe you translated from the original meaning when instead your translation is another translation, one among many, which you mistook for the true meaning.

So you see … there really are worlds of differences.

Tech 7: Patience is a virtue

Time passes on its own pace whether you experience it going fast or slow. Time doesn’t care about  how you perceive it.

Things happen during the time that Time is time. Some things during that time you can control others you can not even influence one tiny bit. Some things that you can’t control depend on the decisions that someone else makes.

Learn to cope and deal with it … and with some dignity please … if you’re able to.

Tech 6: empathy versus sensitivity

There is an important difference between these two.

Empathy is the ability to place yourself in the shoes of someone else as well as applying it in order to understand someone else’s (re)actions. And by understanding them you will threat him/her gentler than if you wouldn’t understand.

Sensitivity is the personality trait which more or less determines the amount of feelings that you take over from someone and how intense your emotional reactions to something that happened are. If the consequential feelings are positive you will like the originator. If the consequential feelings are negative you will not like the originator.

Do you see the point I’m trying to make here ?

You can learn to show empathy … you can not change your personal level of sensitivity.

Tech 5: Always reevaluate

Out of all the techniques this one is extremely crucial. Most people do not apply this at all … which is such a pity.

The first impression you have is the strongest of them all. Different stimuli come together in your brain. Along with earlier experiences it forms a jigsaw. Immediately after the first puzzle has been made you start gathering evidence to support your theory. Guess what … it doesn’t take you much to see (nothing but) affirmation. THIS IS one of  THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE WAYS TO PERCEIVE THE SOCIAL JUNGLE known as ‘THE HUMAN SOCIETY’ … because everything that negates the premise gets overlooked.

An interesting alternative is to try to see everything … that is relevant to your perceptional frame of course. Every microscopic second life provides you with new bits of information.

See the different contexts in which they appear and use them properly … and certainly do not abuse the context in which your first impression was made… in which you put the original meaning of the message you received (cfr Tech 8) to blame/ or hold the negative feelings that accompanied the false context on/ against the transmitter of the message.