The trivial pursuit of happiness

I can’t help it.

Surrounded by “leaders” we are the jist of life. What/who are these self proclaimed shepards (for example: shrouded thoughts/ simplified perceptions/ surreal ideals/ autoritarian autority figures/ false profets/ egocentric heroes/ theological pilars of strength/ … ) to tell us what to do and what not? Their hierarchy is being stipulated as a paradigm. We consider it as being the way it should be while in fact it is an ancient form of crowd control.

Self proclaimed shepards tend to manage a hord to ensure their comfortable position.

Does this sound wrong to you? Are you one of the lucky few? Are you in control of the course your life follows?

To all the others I state my wonder. How do you feel about this? Would you fall apart without or would you get addicted to the sense of freedom? Do not take me the wrong way. The subject of this little contemplation is FREEDOM. To me it is a binary concept. You either are or you are not.

I doubt that we have it.

Some kind of milestone

I’ ve come to a point in my life where I’m fed up with all the negativity floating all around our world. The past has been analyzed. Lessons are learned. Conclusions have been drawn.

I believe in philanthropy. We are without any doubt all capable of taking care of each other, on a macroscopic scale ofcourse. Individual deviation  can in extremis obstruct the necessary level of consciousness needed to bond with fellow souls.

I have to ofcourse. I’m among many things a student Bachelor in Social Work.

The lion is king no more

The sharks have taken over.

12

I know I’m not good with structure. I’m just gonna say what’s on my mind and heart.

I don’t know how to deal with life. It’s such a pile of incoherent thoughts. Feelings get dragged downwards. Perspectives are futile. Billions of people wonder off to what, to do what, to achieve what ? Wouldn’t it be better if we all collectively jump of a bridge ? Aren’t we in a way already doing so ?

Somehow it feels like we lost touch. We lost touch with our common ground. Things that bind us have been thrown, drowned,  have been traded for seperation, for disconfiguration. Is it a byproduct of our individualistic society ? I just read that the Middle East is as schizo as our precious West. All we need is a push. The funny thing is: We’re willingly walking to the same finish line.

Loss of identity in times where it’s supposed to be stable.

Aunt May is so naive !!!

‘ There’s  a hero in all of us’

Don’t make me laugh. The truth lies closer towards the opposite.

Don’t go extreme on my behalf. But you must admit that we’re talking about an extreme construct here. Someone so pure and rightious, who wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice him/her self  to save a fellow soul. One whose actions alone make your eyes ready for tear-like conditions.

No no Aunt May. There’s only a hero in some of us.

It’s the most meaningless time of the year you mean !

Allow me to kick through the door by saying: I hate Christmas.

You know why … because it is a lie … as big and fat and stuffed as it’s traditional turkey.

I want to share my most “beautiful” Christmas eve tale.

I was sixteen years old. My parents were in the prime of their divorce. For the occasion mentioned above my dad took me to a restaurant in Mechelen.

While I had spare ribs, one of my favorite dishes btw, at La flèche, my mom spend the evening with the sister of an ex-colleague who was a professional highway trucker whore … whose boyfriend … by the way … wasn’t aware of his girlfriend’s occupation. They had stone grilled meat, where you put pieces of meat on a hot stone plate … had some wine … made it quite a cosy evening I suppose.

All went quite well until my father had the “luminous” idea to pay my mother and her companions a visit. He knew where they were since he once (or more, I don’t know, I can only deduce ‘at least one time’)  followed them to the whore’s place.

There I was … on Christmas eve … in a god forsaken place with a slightly drunken parent next to me.

He “asked” me to knock on the door and go inside. I instantly understood what kind of a shock it would procreate to the peeps whose home I was about to enter.

There I was … a sixteen year old … frightened as hell … about to transmit a terrible message to the one who gave birth to him.

I came in … they saw me … we trembled at the implications of my presence … I got shown the way out … I re-entered the car … in tears I asked never to expect from me to prove myself ever again.

Later that night I learned for the first time what it means to cry yourself to sleep.

But hey … it was ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ right ?

Don’t run … don’t hide … and certainly don’t shove it under the mat

A lot of the psychological processes that spontaneously happen can be managed … can be manipulated.

How is it that appreciation is formed?

We are born with certain basic preferences, but during the course of our individual lives we develop different positions towards something or someone. Good and bad … pleasant and unpleasant … and every now and then we assume the intermediate possish.

So far so good. We let the internal control centers play their judgmental part … which goes quite effortless.

Now … it isn’t that hard to imagine a situation where your appreciation (or lack thereof) makes the emotional experience of that situation a twitch in your personal happiness.

There are a few things you can do to cope with this.

Most of the time we complain about the object/subject of our discontent.

I find that a destructive way to look at it. A complaint is always something negative. On top of that you project the negativity on yourself as well as towards the concerning object/subject. It’s pretty safe to say that negativity is negative and we like positivity because it’s positive.

Lets go back to the beginning.

We, as human beings, are capable in redirecting and even reforming the negativity coming from our negative assessment of a certain situation or person … through the process of confrontation -> acceptance -> appreciation.

The more you get in the same position, under similar conditions, the more you learn to accept not only the state you’re in, but also to understand the side effects that accompany that state. It takes more effort to endure the circumstances … but this is a bare necessity … unless you are blessed with the immediate understanding of your encounters.

I’m not saying you have to embrace everything bad that happens in your life. It speaks for itself that you have the right to turn a wrong into something more acceptable.  It’s just that a lot of your daily frustrations can be overcome by a simple adjustment of the perspective you put the occurred fact in.

In the end it all depends on how much you cling on to your initial attitude towards the object/subject in question.

A facebook conversation I’ve had

Verdraagzaamheid: waarom is dat zo’n ongelooflijk moeilijke opdracht voor zoveel mensen? Snapt men nu nog niet dat ‘oog om oog, tand om tand’ helemaal niet werkt? Integendeel, zoals de menselijke geschiedenis ons keer op keer vertelt. En daarvoor hoeft men zich nog niet eens in een oorlogssituatie te bevinden. Het zit ‘m al in kleine, dagelijkse dingen…

escalatie … het is zo eenvoudig om het te doorbreken … en toch … dat is exact hetzelfde als wat we gisteren opmerkten … een gebrek aan bewust gebruiken van het bewustzijn … de automatische piloot … verdomd krachtig … hersenen hebben graag duidelijke sporen, routines … het vergt abstractie om dat te counteren en abstractie vergt intelligentie en laat de mens nu net dommer en dommer aan het worden zijn.

Ik probeer het al aan de kinderen van mijn klas aan te leren, maar het blijft blijkbaar niet genoeg plakken tot ze groot zijn. Er zijn trouwens meer en meer waarden die van thuis uit niet altijd meer worden aangebracht: voeten vegen als je binnen komt, dank u zeggen, alsjeblieft, volwassenen voor laten gaan, respect voor materiaal van jezelf en van anderen,… het is allemaal niet zo vanzelfsprekend…

Ga eens winkelen op zaterdag in de Carrefour en je hebt het al zitten. Of 5 minuten in het verkeer rondrijden en je ziet het al gebeuren. Of even de bus of de trein nemen tijdens het spitsuur… man, man toch, echt ni te doen. Tegenwoordig worden mensen al kwaad als je hen je plaats aanbiedt op een overvolle tram. Complete paranoïa lijkt het wel, een of andere nieuwe vorm van tijdelijke verstandsverbijstering… of ademen we een of andere agressief-makende substantie in zonder dat we het weten?

Het is het regerende individualisme … het collectief is een plaag geworden. We zijn helemaal geen gemeenschap, geen samenleving. We zijn de pure optelsom van afzonderlijke levende wezentjes. Allesoverstijgende waarden zijn vervangen door egoïstische normen.

Translation in English:

Tolerance: why is it such an incredibly hard task for so many people? Don’t they understand that ‘eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth’ doesn’t work at all? On the contrary, like human history tells us over and over again. And we don’t even need to be in a war situation for that. It already shows in small, daily things …

Escalation … it is so simple to break through it … and yet … it’s exactly the same as what we noticed yesterday … a lack of conscious usage of consciousness … the automatic pilot … damn powerful … brains like clear tracks, routines … it takes abstraction to counter that and abstraction takes intelligence and let it be that people are growing dumber and dumber.

I try to teach it to the children in my class, but apparently it doesn’t stick enough until they are mature. By the way there are more and more values that aren’t always passed on from home: wipe your feet when you enter, say ‘thank you’, let adults pass first, have respect to your belongings and those of others … it’s all not so obvious anymore …

Go shopping on a Saturday in the Carrefour and you’ll encounter it already. Or a five minutes drive in traffic and you already see it happen. Or even taking the bus or train during peak hour … man, man, wtf, it’s unreal. Nowadays people get angry when you offer them your seat on an overly filled tram. It seems to me like complete paranoia, some sort of a new form of temporary insanity … or is it that we breathe some sort of aggressive-making substance without knowing it?

It’s the all ruling individualism … the collective has become a plague. We aren’t a community, a society. We purely are the sum of isolated living creatures. All transcending values have been replaced by selfish norms.

Four material walls are less bad than four immaterial

Life is a struggle … a struggle with your self.

The biggest are the easiest to miss

Lessons … they come in all shapes and sizes.

They project on you their flaws.